Interesting thoughts

Hi Life! Dearest Angel and The Most Divine High and all the Saints, Thank You for Being with my journey and struggles. Yes, I do appreciate the help in various forms that came into and still working in our life, and thus really makes it manageable in the detail I can handle. Wow! This is how letting go like, because I think I hang on to my plans whereas there is a master plan that have all the signaturies approved it with. Calm down it is nothing of that sort in reality but how the flow of life carries us into where we are now, how a certain event unfold before us and changes everything of our perspective. In me it weaken or stretches it and strenghten it and molded it and made it more tough and flexible and maybe like a diamond I can say I will shine in my own way, after all the storm and flooding or anything in between. I will emerge in God's will and God's Blessing and all His Guidance that I will be want He wanted me to be as His good child be like. He will be protecting and guiding me in whatever He thinks best for me.

Sometimes I think that nagging is so bad, and I wish not to be in the position to do such act. I did try and probably did well not to do such nagging. But perhaps, if I just accept the fact that I was born to act in accordance to what I was shown by the precedence. Then perhaps some other thing will be change.... I cannot fathom how really mysterious life can be, but in my own tiny view, I saw that piece of light that said follow your heart, which I did, and just follow it... Then my heart is broken many times in all forms & pieces in sharp edges. But then, it still say follow your heart, just follow your heart, and I did it again... It is torn and bled and squash and crush so hard that maybe it died....

I was born with a mother that nags constantly or rewind it over and over again, but for a reason. My father seems to be getting used to the nag and worked it out if he did something bad - he get away with it, because she nags, he didn't accept the accusation. WHATEVER IT WAS! Well, in my early age I think I promise myself, if I will love, I will not nag, I will just love and accept him for whatever he is! Well, unless he otherwise not love me, so there is no point - because loving and being together means two way. How can you live with someone you love apparently but yet hurt each other by nagging or fighting which usually leads there anyway.

That explains the above thought.... there. So I just Love, and Love and Love and Love. meaning accepting changes and be flexible with each other, that is loving to me than resisting and irritating each other and almost like no way out.
So, while I am reading a book that allows me to read the thoughts i have within God, a new opening of strength and a new source of energy to recharge my inner being which is excellent and comforting.... I wish anyone out there will have all the same realization and awareness this book trying to convey... I haven't finish the book yet, but it doesn't mean this book is not worth reading it is exactly the best book I have and maybe I will be reading it over and over even if I finish it long ago.

Is it true?

Eh, today I had a talk with my sister about this book I am referring to - but her thought that she don't think that you will be able to remember your past life if ever it did exist before your current lifetime. Meaning reincarnation is not in her mind at all.

She thought that being intuitic happened sometime in our life and it could be very strong but most of the time it is dormant or not existing at all.

It did somehow question my own reflection about this past and future lifetime I am ever gonna have. I mentioned to her about our father that visited me in my dream telling me off that " I have to get my life back!" He was in my dream having conversation to me and pointing out things to me and making me see some important and all the usual stuff that somehow as I can remember before my father always told me that to be reasonable. But only the last statement I can remember he spoke to me when I wake up was the above. "Get your life back!"

There are things that we agree somehow that somethings are pre-destined that no matter what you do, it cannot be changed at all. Destiny.

I was destined to be here even before I decided to come here, things pointed me this way no matter how strong my desire before to stay in my home country. Even my meeting with my partner was destined already of all the people that I met. Having children were also meant to be.

All those above and more coming events in our life I believed have all the unforseen forces falling in place. And that itself is the mystery of life and afterlife if ever it actually exist since I have not any proof yet like the person were involved in that book.

The only thing that I know I am not afraid is to die - I always said I don't want to live so old but maybe until 65 to 75 years, I thought all of us will be going in that direction one day. But it was not like a scary thought for me, right now though I donot wish or want to die yet, because I wanted to see my children grow up as adults or even to see my grandchildren yet. That I pray to the most Powerful Being to sustain myself and my children to keep us all safe and protected from any harm. I asks him to send His Army of Angels to assist us always for as human I am frail and weak but them and Him with me I am strong and brave.

Now this is up to the time and time again to mend the scar and heal the wound until then...

Time and Time and Time Again

Hi everyone! Last night I read this book by Brian L. Weiss - Many Masters, Many Lives. A fascinating book talking about our lives, a very mysterious cycle of life and death. Which in hypothesis is learning in all aspect of our life in balance, where exactly I thought so impossible because sometime one excels in some and fail in the other. Nevertheless, it is actually enlightening for the same reason that we all need to learn about patience, acceptance, and things happened for a reason - a kind of equilibrium that need to be created among us partners or beings as a complimentary subject. I was totally in awe.

Also before I read this book I have a strange and very hard relationship with my partner's parents, brothers and relatives and I tend to just let is passed by - because they are ignorant people and never learned the lesson that although we are different in colour we are basically the same human being and the need to respect that.

I think because I am not a local, I am not accepted as anyone else that is bred and born here despite the fact that I basically give my life here in exchange of my parental home country because here is my family now. My partner and my kids - although I love being with them and my life is them, being isolated in the community is like treated like a leper. Nobody wants to know you and seems not seeing you. They are somehow civil but there is this cold shoulder with it - like what my partner's father said when I was pregnant with my youngest "Rabbit don't bred in drought!" I was totally hurt but I let it go, hoping that later he would come to his senses that such comment should be keep in himself, but not to hurt people. Or he did not learn that it did actually mean something and can ruin lives... Hey maybe it implant a seed in our heart to hate him, and despise him for such callus comment like that, I was carrying a baby in me and being told like that is a despicable act. Well, that was in fact while me and my partner are so happy about having our third child. And probably there were more of that kind that was said when I was not present with him - like what was said to me by ____.

This kind of behaviour are so much a daily trait that give impact to us as a human being, with a soul and spirit - it does carry on to the next life wherever we shall be born again, until we will learn to trait people with respect and dignity despite all our faults. Learn from each other, try to work it out... I wanted to echo want my mother used to tell me/us when we were kids "Do not do unto others what you do not want to be done to you".

The book it actually more or less reassured my belief that yes our body are just shell, like a hermet crab does have a shell then leave it when he outgrow it and find a new one simple as that. At the end what material or any physical things you have donot matter - but how you been as a being to your fellow humans while you have the chance to share and give and love and learn and accept and be patient and just letting go... I love life, and I probably still wanted to be alive again in the same route or pattern that I have with more loving and understanding to take on to be more giving of myself.... To love myself more in order to give love better and best of all to love God the Creator of the life and unknown. Hah, I spell it all, just in all honesty.

I need to remember what I said to him before that probably also disturb him in a way I had no idea - I told him that I am not that cheap, that he embarrass me when he offered me $20 to pay for these clothes, which sell 3for $20, I found one that I like and he approved, but I thought if I bought 3 just because it is $20, even if I didn't like the 2, it would be a waste. So decided not to. But I told him he embarass me when he offered it infront of the saleslady. Then when I was looking at some jewelries, maybe conciously I wanted one for myself (you know when you have some for a long time ago, sometime you will wish to have another one - but I knew I could not afford it! but the saleslady came with some take home kind of scheme - which truly tempting, but really - my left mind prevail no, but he said that is so expensive! Of course it was, but to me irregardless of the price if I want or like it, I feel I am worth it - so from him telling me it was expensive/i was being mark as unworhty of thee. I was hurt, but I took it as that just how he felt to himself and I donot feel myself like that. So maybe, somewhere now that I cannot remember he said I love you mum, and I replied , no you only love yourself. We are a team to compliment each other, like I can read fine prints, he can see the far distance. We are a match - perfect match, that no matter what they would say about him do not change the fact that he as a father of my children always have my heart and soul - I always say that I am his and I will not find anyone else.

So maybe I hurt him so much then, but he did hurt me too. But I was determined that it should not come between us, that when I can land a job our valuation of this aspect will vanish. Because I believe that money should not be an issue to fight over, because both of us are capable people and not imvalid that means we could rise upon the challenge if we will try. All the attempt I used before to make him see them challenges were gone, I thought then I have to do it instead of him. Just as I believed that "It is hard to teach an old man than a child to walk and talk". So I shift my focus of the things that I can do for us, I believed that too. I am doing something for us at the moment and soon he will be able to follow through it. But maybe I lost track of him, and he got lost. I never imagined him to be such a child in a way, in the ways he had been, I imagined him growing and learning it in the process. The small details, because that is why I love him unconditional for being himself - but there is the proud man within him too - impatient and really pround, cannot bend on.

I must acknowledge the fact that I probably hurt him deeply and he got even when he hurt me so much more deeply in my soul. I know he said sorry mum after four days, I will carry it through my lifetime now and he need to pay me back in the next life that we will met again -. I do forgive him, but the wound wont heal in the lifetime. Our children will soften the pain in time.... He said that he will come back, and my question how will I know it is you Dad?

Time will tell but life still moves on... I Love You Dearest Daddy N and my kids.... 4ever

Family Tree

Who do You Think You are?

To start from myself I am a Filipino descent, with Spanish dash in my blood - according to my father. I don't really know much about his family and even in my mother side of family. Only when we saw them when they are visiting or we visiting but not the kind of information that I needed now to put into a book of my family. Not even a picture will put a face on those people I knew I called family.

So to avoid the same dilemma I experienced now for my own kids I have to list everything that as far as I can remember now, meaning right now while the iron is hot and the mind is sharp. Do yours too, you never know it will save them traveling to India or America just to dig the records. Now I will start.

Early birds catches the worms, that was my mother statement she used to make us wake up early or if it rain with gold coin there will be nothing left if you wake up late...

Life still will changes whatever you do!

Life still will changes whether you do anything or nothing at all because of the cycle of life - from being a foetus to old age and maybe death.

Yesterday in the shop this lady gave her warmest greeting that awed me, because we just seen each other during church mass, but since school holidays we haven't seen each other - she must somehow wonder about what happened to us, why she haven't seen us for many sundays that passed. My feelings of not knowing what to say, since she said "I haven't seen you lately" - in reply, the excuse because the distance from Gladstone to Port Pirie is remarkable, than just living in the Port Pirie vicinity, plus the time saving. Well, summing it is still quite a work of balancing. But anyway, what struck me was when I asked her how old were her kids, a boy and a girl I always saw with her in church ( usually they set infront of us, where we also sit on the same spot as always). The girl is eleven and the boy is nine, she lost the oldest one she said when I asked again if she only have two. I said it sad to hear that, thinking about my own loss recently. She added that is life you cannot do anything about it, because it is a part of it.

Nicely said, which earned her a great respect from me. Life and Death. Changes and Permanent they two are partners. Like Day and Night. etc.


One thing I like to do next time I will see them, I will give the warmest greeting I can gather to show her how she changed myself again to being me. To somehow lose the touch that people I see around me are snubbed and never care and somehow these kind of attitude rub on me, I hated these people for being indifferent and in a way I really just moulded into their cast. A snubbed in trainee. What a shame. I am so ashamed that to ask her name is drowning me.

Now I will turn around again and say, I still wanted to be me - being myself means never being judgemental, never being an assuming person and never feel superior than others. Accepting that other might be also trying to be themselves as hard as it can be.

Let me part here in saying, that "Thanks God, in those little things that made great changes in our life, for those nameless people that make us turn into 360 degrees for good and all the other unseeming event that mould us into a diamond, that would shine and light the world, and make it a better place for everyone, Thank you Almighty God, Blessed Virgin Mary, All the Angel and Saints, existing and before us, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

Carry on Life Changes

I certainly love the idea of myself being pampered, so does everyone else. But life is not all about pampering and the need to acknowledge that it is vital in all our existence. Hey, life is not made of marsmallow, but some are candy floss, or even ice cream and also bitter melon. Well that makes life exciting because of the different flavor that you can have, it could be a sweet as can be or as bitter as can be - just remember that if you are handed a lemon, make a lemonade out of it! That will cure your cold specially this season that's the weather is a variety - sometimes so cold and sometimes too warm... Nice idea, implement it though is a big question since the majority of human are only good on the theory side of it, then there's the minority that are truly clever in the application but no idea on the theory - but donot want to integrate. What a shame it would make a perfect match made in heaven. Anyway whatever your choices or option it all up to you, live your life the way you want it to be, not because someone wanted you to do so. Once is only one chance to do that so come on --- Carry on Life Changes, and Live! God Bless You and All your Life Aspirations...

Gracious grace!

Time seems to fly as usual as quickly, and still i am struggling to cope and my head ache too. Why unfathomable things like this happen, is as i use to think a trial to be a better person when you came out of it unscathed... yeah well, i wish it will make me stronger and of course a fine tuned person, like a shining diamond that goes a lot of refinement, i wish i could be as great! Hahh, life really changes you, when all you can look up is Him - the Highest Almighty One, when wondering when it will get really lighter, since I never dream to be a saint either. Be as ordinary as can be. And prod along quietly as anyone else does. Be happy, be flexible be me, me and be you. Can anyone be someone else he/she is not. Please be yourself and try not to please anyone, okey.

Okey, right.

There there, i heard them all... but okey right everything seems in a mess... great so there is a high possibility of it being sorted and clean up, huh. Like when you are down and down the only is up and high. Of course that is only a statement in your mind reinforcing it in action is another story... hmmmp. So go on with your life changes but be prepare to take all the consequences of all the decision or action you have.



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Next...

Quite frankly all there is next, because time is passing always in tick tock tick tock - right now is here we are facing it. Love it or loath it, to love it is rather a nice feeling to do than loathing. So to choose loving give us a positive energy which in return echos towards others. But, gee, am I dreaming, the negative is the opposite direction which always an interesting way. For example teaching someone to learn something is challenging, you need all the trick to catch the right spot. But mind you when you teach something that seems to be irrelevant, like a swear words - flash as a lightning it saves in the memory chamber easy peasy!

It came as a common trait to us to sift all the things we find hard, instead of telling ourselves that it will get better in the long run - perhaps the key isn't perfect to unlock the treasure box.

Everyone is a potential treasure if you consider them to be as one... It also reflects to your own thoughts about yourself, since it echos the way how you feel.

Maybe... You can tell me how or what you think about this...

Life Changes: My Life Challenges

Once upon a time life always changes, but it keep on changing, changing and changing which becomes a challenges, a task that is always interesting today and still what comes next.

There are times that the need to ignore the obvious obstacles hoping that it will go away. But certainly life have different idea. I knew my being an Filipina played a part of my existence a bit difficult - considering all the negative publicity. But God knows so does all any other known descent all over the world. That was a big issue that never seem to be a big deal in fact it is.

When my partner died tragically around five months ago tomorrow. My world becomes a mixed up, nothing is quite the same. Everything is strange, a struggle, alone climb up, and still...

When the legal side of the settlement of the estate need to be sorted, a lawyer in view - it all haunts me. I am a rip off! Cool I am supposed to rip my partner, with what worth in dollars, not much. He owned a piece of property which the value is not enough to pay the price of the label that I would carry in my graveyard. What a rip off!

Never mind, the lawyer will sort it out everyone say so - for the mean time I need to suffer more so does my precious family. The community being quite small and not informed have the kind of cold reception towards my existence. What a pity, because all of us when we die we all turn into this ashes that will be blown by the wind in bit of pieces. Chilling reality huh! But now, they are far more high graded type of ashes compared to anyone.

Darling we all are mortals so please acknowledge the fact that in the eyes of God no one is far better than anyone. We are all equal, we carry all different load of shit, different type of joy, happiness - but as a human we are connected, maybe not in blood or affinity, but it could be in the graveyard when the same earth worn will decompose us. There is the connection. Be true to the reality that things changes, and the rainbow have a lot of different colours that makes it more interesting and beautiful. Acceptance that we have all the right of existence.

It is a sad history that everyone reads, but life changes - the challenges is apparent do a bit of smile to your neighbor that one day might be the one that will save your life!